New here, I have known for a long time that I was Bi-polar but I was in denial. I had some very bad manic episodes when I was a teen but my family kept me out of any real trouble. Now in my 40's I don't have that safety net and have really hit the ground hard. Four years ago I was diagnosed with with severe depression but I lied through the rest of my symptoms and was sent home. Over the past four years I have put on my happy face whenever I was with people and got home and cried. I'm uninsured so I can't get therapy or medication and am getting very close to the end of my rope. I don't know where to turn so maybe someone who has worked through this can help. I really don't know how much longer I can go on, don't panic I'm not suicidal yet but I can feel myself heading there. Please help me, I am so lost.