Thanks Sannah. It helped for a while...

I think it may help to actually see my therapist, but she's away. She emailed me back, and it calmed me down for a bit - but then I found myself going over and over the email, deconstructing it... hard to explain, but in the end I wish I hadn't emailed her. She suggested I call her, but I didn't. I feel like even emailing was a needy and selfish thing to do, and so I won't be contacting her again before our next appointment. I don't want to feel like someone is merely placating me - and that I'm dependent on them doing so.

Reaching out is hard for me - maybe because a lot of times I have done, (mostly concerning my parents) I haven't got the response I wanted. I feel/fear rejection, I guess. I think the thing I want more than anything else is for someone to genuinely care enough about me to 'reach in'... (needy needy needy!)

I'm finding posting here on the forum very helpful and very supportive, and it's great to hear the thoughts of others who are in similar situations and going through therapy... I don't know if I could post before I SI, though, I don't want to feel like I'm shifting the responsibilty on to other people to stop me...