First, if you are bipolar, I think you should definitely shy away from anti-depressants. I was fortunate in that when taking them I was just zombified but they are well known to spark mania in bipolar patients (about 3 times in 10).

My reasons for not taking medication are complicated and peculiar to my situation and I don't reccommend doing without them until you have given a proper regimen a fair shake. It sounds to me from your post like you haven't taken anything besides anti-depressant medication for long enough to know if it actually will help you in the long term. It can take weeks to see the full benifit of some medication.

I suggest doing whatever you can to marshall all your patience and hang in with one medication for a few months and see how it goes. If you don't like how it makes you feel, speak with your doctor. Some meds can have side-affects that disappear after regular use.

Don't get me wrong, though. I know this is a tough situation for you. It's hard to stick with something that doesn't seem to be doing much good when you don't want to be taking anything in the first place. And when you are feeling vulnerable, it's hard to trust some new pill when you get queasy just thinking about it.

If I may suggest a slightly different way of looking at the situation, perhaps, instead of focusing on the name to give to your diagnosis, it might help to look at it as the sum of the various ways it messes up your life and look to treat those. I mean, the one thing we can all agree on, me, you, your husband, you doctor, everybody - is that the whole thing sucks donkey walnuts and that is the thing that needs to change. So, do whatever makes you happy, literally. But in order to find a treatment that works, you will have to stick with each long enough to give it a chance to be affective until you find one that works.

All that having been said, I have been getting by without taking anything for a while now. Some days I'm not certain it's such a great idea but I seem to be surviving. Mind you, I don't have a spousal relationship to maintain. I imagine that would make it more difficult.

Just my 2 cents. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.