You seem to be very insightful!

I don't think I was obsessing... more like, trying to figure out the meaning behind the words, how she was responding to what I said. When something is written down it can be harder to decipher than if spoken... that's not obsessing, right?

I don't want to need others! Experience has taught me that I get let down at some point. My T has told me that maybe my expectations are too high...

My T responds the way I want/need her to.. or seems to... in person anyway. This is the first email of a therapeutic nature I've had from her - and I only contacted her this way as she's now away for weeks.

I guess the fear with SI is... what if others can't stop me?
Maybe I feel it's better for me not to ask for things in the first place, that way it doesn't rule out the possibility, the hope...