Hi folks,

Oh well, as I seem to be in the middle of a depressive relapse I find myself with all the associated embarrassment, yet again!

I've been playing guitar and singing in some pubs and venues around my home and got to know a few nice people. Suddenly I'm not around, because of the downturn, and then when I bump into people I say "Oh, sorry, I've had flu" and then someone says to me "What, for a month! Where have you been?" It's a fair question.

The worst is that I was booked to play at a concert tonight, with my name actually on the posters, and I've had to cancel. When I woke up this morning I knew I hadn't the energy for it.

My wife phoned the organiser and I hear her on the phone saying "He's lost his voice." Good grief, it's lies, all lies. Why can't I just tell the truth for once.

At one of the venues I've been playing at, the organiser's wife is a psychiatric nurse and I just know that I couldn't let her know about it. I'm so ashamed. This is the only place that I get to use the words 'depression' and 'anxiety disorder.'

I try to keep positive with my posts, as you folks know, but it's not an easy ride. I went to a poetry group once where there was a woman who was very ill with depression, in and out of hospital, EST and everything, but when she wasn't around, the other women said the fateful words "She doesn't help herself" Good grief, I just don't want that said about me.

Thanks PC for letting me vent on this stuff.

Cheers, M