Hello and welcome to PC,

I want to start out by telling you that I am a bit confused by your post.

If your relationship with your ex was so happy and solid for 7 years, how has this 1 argument put the relationship to it's end? That sounds pretty extreme to me.

Let me see if I've gotten this right (please do correct me if I'm wrong): Your boyfriend wanted to take you on a vacation. After a few days, his children would join you ~ but your children would stay with someone else. Their dad or grandparents?

Did you ask your bf where the children would be staying while you 2 were on vacation? Did you ask why all of the children wouldn't be coming with? Did you say that his idea of not bringing your children with hurts your feelings? Making you feel as though he does not love them? Or, did you automatically react emotionally from the beginning?

I have learned through a lot of my own therapy sessions on how to get emotional fights to wind down. First: Don't accuse the other of anything. Instead, say, "It hurts my feelings that my kids won't be joining us on the vacation." And let him respond. Rather than focusing our attention on "the other guy", we aren't elevating tension. I've tried it myself a few times, when things were very tense ~ and it works every time! People are much more willing to discuss differences in opinion when we don't include accusations. Second: It sounds as though your bf did put some time, thought, and money into the trip. I'm curious if he was planning the trip to be romantic ~ with an engagement or wedding?? Perhaps your emotional lash scared and hurt him (especially when he heard you later complaining on the phone to your sister). And maybe that caused deeper hurt, creating more hurtful arguments between you two.

Anyway... Your relationship with the bf is now over. You've played a large role in the children's lives and you are determined not to let that slip away. Great! Too many times, the kids get attached and they wind up being hurt too.

I would recommend that you try to take a step or two back, and try to look at the trigger to have a better understanding of what exactly happened between you. Because it doesn't make any sense that your bf was wanting to take you away, and has now lost all feelings for you. Sounds more like a self-protective wall that he's put up. To supposedly prevent himself from feeling more pain.

Maybe after some thought and consideration, you could call or write to your ex, and tell him that you do care about him very much. Perhaps he'll be willing to see a counselor with you, so you two could work out your problems together. That would probably be the healthiest idea. Couples have differences in opinion all of the time. That doesn't mean that they can't work those differences out. It merely means that they need to work on communicating with each other, to hopefully prevent walls of resentment building up between you.

I'm sure that the children love both of you and they don't want to see things come to an end either. If the relationship is doomed to failure, than there is no point in trying to get over it. But ~ is there really no hope that you and your ex can work through this? I just see the experience as a great opportunity to teach the children how "healthy adults" approach differences in strong opinions. We want our kids to learn how to work through disagreements. What are we teaching them if we can't follow our own advice?

Yes, I've given you some things to think about. Just trying to help you & I hope that it does! Gentle hugs sent your way.