((((((Stoda))))))
It is not your fault, it happened to me like that too. I just didn't see it coming and I thought the guy was a nice guy, he wasn't.

Be thankful you can talk about it, I didn't do that, no one knew until this year and I am talking, I kept it a secret for 30 years. I finally told my father because I could never forget how he looked at me in shame and it just wasn't my fault and I kept quiet because I didn't want my father to know it was such an important client's son.
I could tell my father because that client finally died. I really struggled between letting my father finally know or to continue to keep it a secret.

I understand the question you have deep inside and your doubt about yourself. But you just didn't know, I didn't know either. You cannot let this change your life, you are still a good person no matter what. You can recover and still live a good life.
You do have to let out the emotions and hurt feelings and then finally just let it be in your past.

I am truely sorry that this happened to you. I do believe you, I understand your struggle.

Open Eyes