I really hope this goes away for you & you get more sleep. I know the urge to make yourself ill is overbearing, but you really need to resist that urge because ULTIMATELY you are going to feel a lot worse giving in vs. doing something to make yourself do better. I wish you had gone to EMDR, but... Ultimately, it is always your decision on what to do. I hope writing made you feel at least a little bit better by sorting out your thoughts. I used to write pages upon pages, but I haven't been able to get more than a page's worth of thoughts together.