Hi M

You accepted the gig when you were on a high, presumably. Name on poster - great! No problems. Then as the time drew nearer you began to feel uneasy and unsure one moment then confident the next, in turn. Probably the day before the gig, you began to have serious doubts about your ability to go through with being on display. Added to this were your concerns about letting down the organisers and patrons. All this vacillation compounded your guilt and therefore depression.

My analysis is this: You had too long to think about it, you had your name on the posters, people were probably buying tickets, etc. A lot of responsibility for a person who tends to suffer from anxiety at the best of times.

If you'd been going to a casual gig at a local pub or venue, none of this depression would have kicked in.

My advice - don't be talked or pressured into making ambitious plans, don't plan too far ahead - stick to casual gigs where you can turn up or not, as the mood takes you. Then you'll be fine - it will help your day-to-day mood, and no great depression will build up.

Be kind to yourself, and (as you've heard me say before) keep busy.

FG