You're facing a loss and even though that loss isn't for awhile, it feels real now. I'll be asking my T today if she plans on moving out of the area. I imagine she might say, "not now but probably next year". And even if my imagined event does not take place until next year, I will feel the loss now. I know if she does say those words today, I will feel a rush of panic come over my body. I will know it's not rational but I can't help my feelings. Any threat of abandonment by T causes these feelings. So, I understand completely why you're experiencing that. I'm on the verge of panic myself just thinking about asking her this question but I have to so I can get it out of my mind (or learn to cope with the horrible fact if, indeed, it is true).

But I also know that worrying about the future or even having regrets about the past do rob us of our lives in the now. I'm studying mindfulness now (T gave me a book) and it makes all the difference in the world. You might check it out.