For me it's always that I'm of different minds. Some part of me really is connected and wants to be connected and some part of me fears connection or has some other reaction. I can't count the number of weeks that I've spent wishing it was Thursday, only to find myself unable to talk to my T when Thursday finally rolled around. I've wished it weren't this way, but have had better progress when I embrace it as something to learn from. I'm better off when I can acknowledge my conflicting parts rather than simply getting frustrated or angry with them.