howdy,
sitting here listening to a little bit stronger.
i know this is supposed to be about exs and stuff like that. but this song really makes me thing of barb(my mom) it really dosent happen over night. and i still try to waik up with out crying. my wedding is in a week and a half. wow i cant believe i was planning this a few months ago with my MOM.she isnt gonna be there and i cant even have my step dad give me away. or my sister give me away. i dont even get to see my nephew.they say it will be ok. but behind all lies im still crying my self asleep. i couldent tell ppl how much i preciate the suport i have with my fiances family. i really dont think i can get over it with out them. well i saw her on the first. and i tryed to act like im not dying inside. i really want to fix my relationship with my mom. but she really dont understand how much she hurt me last time. and i understand that i hurt her but no mother tells her child she never wants to hear from them again. i got mine and dustins room done and now that i look at it all i remember is all the stuff and how much of it came from my mom for christmas or birthday or just special holidays or maey even just doing something nice gifts. and i see my moms face in it all. now i just want to throw it all awat. but i know that i wouldent have anything. and not having anything seems better then haveing stuff right now. i try to show my friends and family i have left that im just fine. bc i dont want her to know she has won. and really its not like that. its not a win or loose compitition. its a mother daughter relationship that is broken. personally im getting scared of marring dustin bc i no he will have to put up with my family that rest of his life or untill he cant handle it anymore. and to be honest im trying my hardest right now to push him away. i need to be sure he wont leave me when i need him most. and i no that i shouldent be acting this way when we will be married in a week and a half. but ive been hurt so much. im getting to the point were i know she wont change. and it will never be the same. what i really dont understand is how she could put me through the same stuff she went through as a child. I NEED MY OLD MOM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i want her to love me without telling me im making a mistake. im shaking so bad right now. i dont think i can get through it. it soo weird that it hurts so bad that it makes it that much harder. i just dont know where else to turn!!!! it hurts so bad. i need help getting through this