Welcome to psych central solitude. I'm sorry you are suffering so from depression... I do too. It helped me when my T helped me to realize that hating the depression, feeling stuck, all those things you are feeling... only caused me to suffer more.... it took many years for me to learn...though sometimes I still succumb to the darkness.

It's important to have someone to talk with, do you have a T? Medications can help too, have you tried any recently?

Keep on... it won't always be this bad. (((hugs)))