thanks everyone.
sometimes i want so badly to feel that connection that some of you talk about .like this person knows everything about you and it is still ok and you trust this person so much with everything you say and feel.it just sounds so unbelievably awsome .but then i am scared to death of such a connection.i fight against it so hard that it is totally impossable for my T to get in.and even if she does i totaly disregard it.i know the want is there and i am better than i was a year ago.i do at least open my mouth and speak some almost every session now when not to long ago i would go for a month or so without even speaking one word not even hi.now my T knows when things are not ok because she points out that i am not talking and didnt even say hi and i can see this and relax i bit and say hi.small steps but progress.