I feel like I'm invisible. People walk past me and don't see me or acknowledge me even. There are moments when I wonder if this is even real or am I in one of those dreams where I'm shouting as loud as I can but nobody hears. Where I can run as fast as I want but I don't go anywhere.

I've told a few people what is going on but no one calls or seems willing to listen beyond being polite. It's been tough making friends these past few years but I thought I had a couple that I could turn to.

Being alone is nothing new, painful but not unfamiliar. I wish I was the only person left on this planet sometimes. At least then there would be a reason why no one wants anything to do with me. It's been like this since my earliest memories. Always the one outside the circle wishing someone would notice me.

Do you want to know how pathetic my life is? When I go home every day, the first thing I do is look at my answering machine hoping to see the light flashing indicating a message waiting. There hasn't been one since before Christmas. Every time I look it feels like my heart is being torn out.

I've got to turn my mind off somehow... I feel like the self-distruct sequence has been initiated and I'm running out of time.