thanks.

last night I still felt the anticipation (today is my birth birthday) even though I had nothing to look forward to, like a party or dinner.

One day I hope that goes away.

My roommate said he wants to take me out for dinner tonight but I am afraid he will punk out again and go to sleep.

Ani said he would take me out if that happened.

Today is a mourning day, not a celebrating day. My aunt is dead, my mother is dead, no one to celebrate with. No family. today I mourn the loss of my aunt, abuser or not. Today I mourn the loss of simply not having parties anymore, not having friends anymore because of my d**n bpd. Not having a husband anymore, too.

But my real celebrating day will be in February. Because that was the day I changed. The day that I let go of the way my aunt treated me.

Today I am 44.

Thank you for my life, Mother. At least I know you wanted me.

Billi