I really, really, really, really, really hate having to take meds. And I didnt do crazy stuff when i was manic. I maxed out credit cards, thats the worst. I paid my bills, then gambled away the rest of my money. Didnt get myself in any trouble. I would write long personal emails that embarrassed me to people. But I did have voices in my head and I did get suicidally depressed and I did experience psychosis, life felt totally out of control. I was a rapid cycler. I had a nervous breakdown. I was hospitalized against my will.

And I SO DONT WANT THAT BACK!!!