On commitment to happiness:

Her phrasing was kind of harsh, but it makes me think of a situation with a friend of mine. I had started on antidepressants well before she did, and was amazed at how much they could really keep me steady. They allowed me to often just feel happy or at least ok without the cloud of depression hanging over me -- I would get upset when there was something to get upset about, but otherwise could actually feel happy, and that was really new for me. So when she decided to start, I checked in with her to see if they were helping her in any similar way, and she said, "Yeah, they do that for me too, so now I just look for reasons to be upset."

There are gentle, understanding ways to approach what she said, but what I wanted to say was, "Are you kidding me??" (I actually said nothing because I just wasn't sure what to say to her). But because she's my friend, I really REALLY want her to be happy, and it just felt like she wasn't committed to being happy.

Now I don't know if this applies to you at all, so I can't say whether what your T said is actually accurate, but I am saying I understand the sentiment that might be behind someone saying that. It wasn't that my friend wasn't trying to take a stab at handling her depression -- she did take that leap and decide to try meds -- but her goal wasn't quite at being happy yet. I only have what you said to go on, but while it's truly commendable and awesome that you're finding better coping skills for UNhappiness... that's not quite the same as finding ways to BE happy. Just my two cents. Oh, and two more cents: if I were a T, I really probably wouldn't say it in such an unhelpful way. This must be really frustrating for you.

Happy without knowing it:

I don't really know what this means, but if the statement were revised to "You *could* be happy and you don't know it," that might make more sense to me.

Edited to add: It took me a long time to finally try antidepressants, and part of that was a real fear of being happy. I had no idea what a happy Sally would look like and it freaked me out to think of possibly losing who I was.