In therapy, it seems to be coming up more and more that the way I am reacting comes from the emotional abuse I received as a child. I'm only beginning to face this and for a long time refused to even think about the idea that I was emotionally abused.

The problem I'm really having now is that I feel like my identity is in question. It's like everything I've done and still do is a reaction to that abuse (even pre-verbal beliefs of worthlessness). Basically I feel like if I address the emotional issues, then maybe I'm not the same person. Maybe if I change from coping with the world as someone who was emotionally abused, I'll find I'm not the same person because the way I coped defines so much of me.

It seems stupid to worry like this and maybe I'm making it up. I don't even know if I'm describing this right. I guess it's like I don't know who I am. I'm afraid to just sit with myself and even try to process my childhood. It's even harder when I see may kids going through things that trigger something in me. I get all depressed.

I thought I was just depressed with a lot of anxiety. Now I'm really the product of emotional neglect and emotional bullying. And now so many relationships I have especially at work are looking like this same thing. A bully and the one who can protect (my boss) neglects. I seek attention which is actually the reason why I worked hard, so if I don't care about the attention, I don't really care about working hard...This is just strange and confusing to me emotionally.