I guess the reason it is hard for me is because I did not have very many symptoms before my diagnosis. I had been depressed all through out my teenage years and the early 20s. My psychotic/manic episode was my very first and so everything before my diagnosis, truly is different becuase my diagnosis happened right at the onset of the illness. Everytime I feel angry for no reason, I get mad because it was never like that before January 2011 (when I was diagnosed). I have researched the **** out of this diagnosis and all the meds I get prescribed. I go to DBT group. It just never seems like it's enough and I think my true problem is coming to terms with the diagnosis and I think that the person who mentioned bereaving who I was is right. I think I need to mourn the past, when I didn't have to work to be happy, when I didn't have to worry about snapping at someone and being mean for no reason, when I had an emotion, at a "normal" level, for a "normal" reason. Thank you all.