(((((((akekaomen))))))))

Oh akekaomen, you have a very good question and you really presented it correctly, and it is a genuine concern that comes with victims that are describing some of the symptoms of PTSD. Though so many think that in order to have this issue there needs to be some form of sexual abuse, it is just not the case.

"I BELIEVE YOU" and your feelings are "JUSTIFYABLE". What you are describing are very real concerns and I can tell you that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I have been battling PTSD as well and I can truely relate to your concerns and feelings of confusion about your own personal identity. And the feeling that by recognizing the may ways you have managed to overcome the neglect and verbal abuse you received from an early age right up into the present time threatens your sense of self is very common.

And the anxiety and confusion and even feelings of depression are all the symptoms of coming to terms with how you actually formed many ways of self protection methods that you may not have truely, consciously been aware of. And becoming consciously aware of all the methods you have adapted in your past can lead anyone to feel extremely vulnerable and confused. And I want to personally comfort you by telling you that you are not alone in this struggle. And, this struggle is more common than you think, so take a deep breath and from now on keep this very fact in mind.

First and foremost I want to assure you that you are NOT going to lose your identity by allowing yourself to see your personal coping methods that you have formed throughout your life. And I also want you to understand that whatever coping methods you have developed as a result from dealing with any abusive actions that were put in your personal path are not a sign of any kind of "Personal Failure". And just because you are going to look back and identify those methods and why they formed does not mean that it will expose you to losing the ability to protect yourself from further abuse in the here and now.

What you are really doing is you are standing in a threshold of what is often described as a "reality check" and what that means is that you have come to a point in your life where you need to learn what works for you in what you already know and what can work for you better by evaluating what you have used in your past and how to "LEARN" why you needed to use those old methods and "HOW" you can learn "NEW" healthier "COPING METHODS".

There are situations in your past where you were "UNFAIRLY TREATED" and each time that happened it "TRUELY THREATENED YOUR SENSE OF SELF WORTH" as well as "A TRUE SENSE OF FEELING SAFE, AND HAVING AN ATMOSPHERE WHERE YOU TRUELY FELT SECURE AND WORTHY AS A HUMAN BEING". And you truely need to know that you are "NOT ALONE IN FACING THIS".

When you sit with your therapist and discuss your childhood and how others threatened your sense of self esteem and personal value, you are beginning a journey to true "self awareness" and you will finally be able to express the things in your past that truely troubled you. And when you do that you will be reminded of the emotions that you hid in order to protect yourself which is a "NORMAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE AND FUNCTION TO COMBATING ABUSE".

As you go through this process you will uncover a lot of emotions and moments where you were very frightened and truely did not know what to do and did question your self worth. But in "NO WAY" will it take away the essense of "YOU" and "YOUR PERSONAL WORTH". That is not what this therapy will be about for you, there is not going to be a "PERSONAL DISMANTLING OF YOU".

As someone who is also undergoing this process I can tell you with my deepest sympathy that you did not deserve to feel that you were in any way unworthy or insignificant as a human being. And I will tell you that I have had to personally morn the things that I have experienced in my past that truely troubled me and made me frightened, insecure and extremely vulnerable. And I do understand how very difficult this time you are now taking is going to be for you on a very personal level.

And though it may seem that you are entering and even in a tunnel surrounded by an abundance of emotions that are troubling and hard to control or understand, "THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL". Up until this point in your life "YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD AND ANYTHING YOU DID WAS ALL YOU KNEW HOW TO DO". And any sense of insecurity, fear, low self esteem, you may have about yourself "IS NOT YOUR FAULT" and "YOU DO DESERVE TO FEEL SAFE, HAVE BETTER COPING METHODS AND FIND NEW WAYS TO ACCOMPLISH A TRUE SENSE OF SELF WORTH AND A PERSONAL SENSE OF SECURITY. And you do "DESERVE" to have the support you "NEED" to find your right as a human being to "LIVE A PRODUCTIVE LIFE".

You are not alone (((((akekaomen))))) there are others here at PC that understand this difficult journey and the necessity for a support system to help you through this tunnel. You deserve to know that you "ARE IMPORTANT" and you do deserve to find ways to help "YOU" find the personal sense of safety you "TRUELY DESERVE".

Open Eyes