A few months have passed now, and I can't say I'm doing a lot better. I'm doing a little bit better though.

I have a job now, but it isn't as much fun as my old job. Also, I don't feel "at home" there. Like I belong there. I know I should be happy that I have a job, but I just want more.

I don't ever want to be the guy that spends the rest of his live in the same office, I want to keep moving and reach the top.

But I'm not doing that for myself, I'm doing it to prove everyone wrong. The "unemployment office" wouldn't help me get a job, because I was too "depressed". The woman I was (probably still am) in love with turned out to be a gold-digger, so I want to show her I can make money too. And those backstabbing ex-colleagues never gave me any support, so it was easier for them to fire me. I want to prove all those people wrong!

I think this is the wrong motivation, but I don't have anything else to keep me going.

It's either this, or die.

I know this is not the right way to live, and I know I'm falling gradually into another depression. I only have 2 choices now: go on like this, knowing I will breakdown. Or count down the days till I'm 30.

I apologize for yet another negative post, but I just need to get this off my chest. I don't really talk to anyone, I pretty much live like a hermit, because it's safe.

Any advice would be great, but don't feel obliged. Thank you for reading this.