Thanks to all those that responded.

I'll try to tell my story in a couple of paragraphs...

My Mother was a heroin addict and a prostitute. Both my Sister's and my Fathers were tricks. We were adopted by my Aunt and her Husband at birth. The were both alcoholics. My adopted Father beat me and molested me from my earliest memories till I was about 8. At that time he left us. My Mom (aunt) did her best trying to put our lives back together for about a year. When I was 9, she decided to take her life. By chance the first test shot woke me up and I was standing in the doorway of her bedroom when she fired the fatal shot. My Sister and I tried to put her on the bed but she was too heavy for us to lift. For some reason the phones all went dead so we couldn't call for help. The next morning the phones came back on and the police came. The next year was a whirlwind of shuffling back and forth between family friends eventually ending up with us in foster care. After moving from one nightmare placement to the next, I ran away for the first time at 13. I crossed the border into the US and spent 5 years hitch hiking around the US. I survived by begging, eating out of soup kitchens and garbage cans, and selling my body to whatever pedophile wanted me. Sometimes I didn't even ask for money. I just did it to feel like someone cared about me. After 5 years I came back to Canada and ended up in a pennitentary for 6 1/2 years. During that time I became addicted to masturbation and porn. I already had a drug problem but that and the porn became my number one way of escaping and coping with my life. I

I'm 45 now and I'm still addicted to porn and am incapable of having a normal intimate relationship with a woman. I think I'm bi-sexual but feel intense shame over feeling that way. I've been off drugs for 15 years but have recently started smoking pot again.

I've been to the psych wards and had therapy. I've tried endless combinations of drugs. Nothing seems to help. The only time I feel even remotely happy is when I have my kids, and most of the time I find it difficult to cope when I have them.

There's more, but that's a condensed version of my life.

Thanks for taking the time to listen...