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re your back...have you discussed the pain and solution with your doc. i had spinal fusion and never felt better. no pain!
re pain killers and benzos-it would be best if you be weaned off from them with a schedule from your doc. very dangerous to do it alone.
anxiety attacks-i learned in therapy to ask myself what i am afraid of? why flight or fright? in therapy you could learn skills to deal with your anxiety.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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