Thanks all for the encouragement. I'm still trying to keep from pushing this all into the denial category again. It's hard even taking time to process things. I'm in this strange stage that I've pushed away from before. It is leaving me less effective in everything, so I'm a little scared it will hurt me at work. Since I'm the only one with an income in my family, it's hard to work on these things in depth and still live life.

All of my instincts are put into question, which makes me feel uneasy. Therapy is hard for this because it's always been one of those things that after the hour, I have to go right back to work and not have time to process anything. I just don't know how long it takes for it to sink in (I've been fighting accepting and realizing this since I was diagnosed with depression over 13 years ago). I'm also so disassociated with my childhood that it's hard to come up with specific situations of good or bad. Almost everything is vague feeling with some mixed up details.

Anyway, I appreciate having people understand what I said even if I'm not sure I understand it.