<font color="#000088"> Last night I was slammbed with nightmares and flashbacks most of the night. I'm so exhausted and still have so much stuff to do around the apartment. If I wasn't so exhausted I would say that I could get it all done today, but I know that I cannot do it all today. The flashbacks are still hitting me right and left. I want to go hide in the closet and just disappear. The body memories seem to start to come around also. The pain and emotions are raging like mad. I have to go touch things to make sure that there isn't any blood anywhere. Cause I see it everywhere. I'm trying all the grounding techinques that T and I have talked about doing. Just isn't working. Right now isn't the time for me to fall apart. I already made a promise with my system that we can fall apart or go through whatever we need to go through to let go of the pressure cooker totally next Sunday. This week I have to focus on getting the apartment all set up and trying to find a roommate. But yet they want to show me these memories now. I am getting so frustrated with them. I keep telling them if it is difficult for them right now to go to sleep so I can get things done and then I will take care of it. It is so hard to take care of inside things when I have so much on the outside that needs to be done. Getting the apartment finished and finding a roommate is more important right now than dealing with these memories and flashbacks, etc. I hate to be that way but it is. I just wished I could get my system to know it. I don't see T again until the 4th of April. So this is going to be hard. I will probably write email to her. Darn it body memories coming again. Gotta go. </font>