TRIGGER WARNING: mentions thoughts of dying

3-4 days, I think?

Sophia, I get what you mean by "water therapy" as I feel a little like that when I shower for the first time after coming out of a depression - like it's cleansing. One of my problems is that our flat has a serious damp problem so sometimes showering doesn't help, because I am fixated on how dirty the bathroom is (because of the damp, not because it doesn't get cleaned!) and feeling like I'm not getting any cleaner because of it. So I have mixed feelings towards it when I'm not quite 'right' - either I feel cleansed by the water, or I feel like it's making me filthier.

I also had an odd episode where I was in bed in the night panicking and felt like I was dying, suffocating in the heat (though it wasn't particularly warm). I considered running around outside with no clothes on, and the thing that stopped me WASN'T the concept that public nudity is frowned upon, but the terrifying thought that anyone else might be out and about on the streets, forcing me to interact. So I opted for a shower instead, hoping that it would cool me down and make me feel a bit calmer. Initially I instead felt like I was suffocating even more (probably the humidity) and thought I was going to have a panic attack in there - I ended up slumped in a corner of the shower cubicle - at which point my feelings about it switched again and I found it cleansing, refreshing and soothing. I thought about simply falling asleep there with the water running over my head, briefly wondered if maybe I would drown in my sleep, and found the thought comforting. I must have been in there for a couple of hours. Strange times. But when I got out, I felt calm enough to go and lie back in bed...

Went slightly off-topic there, sorry! Has anyone else had any weird shower-related 'incidents'?