So we have to put our dog down tomorrow, more than likely... I don't handle death well at all, even if it's with a dog.

But there's something that's bothering me more than that fact.

Really, I should be saying that it's not bothering me. It's like my body is trying to combat the depressive feelings I should be having (we've had her for thirteen years! That's a good chunk of my life!) and make them into feelings of not caring.

Do you think this is possible? That it's just my brain's natural response to the depression, to make me feel like I don't care about her at all so that when the time comes to lose her, I don't feel as fazed?
I feel like a monster and a horrible person for not feeling badly about the situation... I only just now started to feel a little upset.