I struggle with figuring out the same thing. I sometimes downplay when I can't control myself because I know "it will go away soon" & just suck it up or knock myself out. I don't ever intend on killing myself, but I do think about that kind of stuff probably more than I should. It gets treacherous, but I don't think I could afford the possible hospital visit even if it were necessary. Mainly I wish I could go so the psychosis stops, but I couldn't bear being away from home in the hands of people who most likely don't even speak fluent English anyway. :/