I have a 6-year-old daughter and she is my life. I am sure I would not be here if she were not in my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year before she was born and was still trying to find the right cocktail of drugs. Before she was conceived, I attempted suicide. As a result, my depression meds were ramped up and I bounced into a manic high for 3 months. When I came down, I was pregnant by a man I did not like. Bad scenario, but I was also 45 years old. My family was horrified. (I am divorced).
I was seriously depressed during the pregnancy. I had a terrifying postpartum depression with psychotic features. My daughter's father took the opportunity to remove my daughter from my care and basically obtain full custody. I was very sick for a long time...a serious depression fueled by anxiety over the 3 years it took for him to get the custody order. My lawyer was totally ineffective. My psychiatrist tried to help, bless him.
My daughter has behavioral issues, specifically ODD. I have read in some psychiatric papers that mothers who are depressed during pregnancy (and on meds) can have children with behavior problems. Other papers stated that depressed mothers are more likely to have children with behavior issues relative to non-depressed mothers. I don't even remember most of my daughter's early life..until she was about 3 years old. I know I must have fed her, clothed her, but I have no recollections of doing anything else. My psychiatrist said it was from the anxiety...I was under so much stress that I was in basic functioning mode only.
I took my daughter to a psychologist specializing in behavior issues after her unusual behavior alerted me to a problem. Her Dad thinks that her behavior is normal, but I raised 2 normal girls and children who are normal do not behave as my daughter did. After a year of therapy and consistent parenting, she is vastly improved. She just started first grade and I worry about her behavior...kindergarten went...okay.
Did I cause the behavior problems with my serious depressive symptoms? Was bad behavior the only behavior I responded to, so she learned that acting badly was the only way to get my attention? What must she have felt, to have a parent there but practically unresponsive? I fear depressive episodes, as I usually withdraw and I know she can sense this. Her behavior confirms it...she tends to act out when I am depressed. Is there anything I can do to prevent this other than meds? I have a very small network of friends, but they are mostly good acquaintances, not solid friends who can step in if you need them. I withdraw during depressions and have lost friendship because of this tendency..failure to care for a blossoming relationship. How can I adequately parent my daughter while stumbling along with this disorder?