I have had that feeling of putting on a happy face- I can get quiet mad at me at times when doing it... and it can make some phases of life worse... But ya know what- We are human- we are allowed to be sad at times and mad and as well as happy and all the other emotions in between at times. Do others not have emotions, i think not. we all do, just not maybe the same degree(s) or swings or reactions or the same anything, but we all have emotions and we all have feelings.

Sometimes happy faces are needed to hide ourselves as well... that may be hard for me to explain what i mean- but to protect love ones from seeing we are how we are inside (aka not have them worry so, if they do).

I know it is not a perfect world out there, and we are yet but human.... Extreme self destruction and self loathing is not good for any self-- I wish all had some one to talk to.. I don't mean to steal a line from a commercial with planets orbiting a sun- but we are all awesome in our ways and yes even in our awesome ways, we have bad days.

Nicoleb2- I am not sure if it helps but there are days where I feel like **** too there are a lot of people that do. But there are a few that hide it, a few that flaunt it, and a few that just want understanding and so on. Some can understand the feeling, others are totally oblivious to what feeling it is...
Cutting I have taken to the degree of this- I use to do it as a teen and in my early 20's, I stopped for a while and crossed paths with my boyfriend- every time I think of cutting, I realize what it would project to him, he would feel horrible and as if it is his fault for things (that is just the person he is, not everyone is like that and I do know that). The last thing I want to do is hurt him, I know i keep getting told that I need to not think that way entirely and look at myself- and think I dont want to hurt me (That is so hard to do when in the mood, due to I am the fault i believe at times or I am the pain and must be punished) Of Course Cutting is all different for every one, you may not get my view, I may not get yours. But the main thing is the result of Not wanting to hurt ourselves is the same- that is goal to reach.

I am not sure if that ramble makes any sense or makes any one feel better. we are human so feel free to disagree.
It's the beauty and the fault of human life. Not to see everything in all perspectives.

I hope you well and a better day soon, and please know there are several people on here on psychcentral that probably get a hint of where you are coming from hugs to you and to you too NuckingFuts!! I wish you both the same and hugs!