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Glad you've posted an update. I think you just ran into the biggest down side of being "on County." Therapy is in short supply. If you're not on meds, they kind of don't consider you as needing to be a client. It's a shame. And it doesn't seem like one should go on some medication just to get taken seriously. I am on a county plan, so I speak based on my experience. If you can pony up the fee for it to some private therapist, you'll just about never be told you couldn't use some more therapy. With county, the T may be on a set salary. So the T has no monetary incentive to take on more clients. It is totally unprofessional for that T to be telling you that she is stressed and overloaded. She may well be, but that is not for her to verbalize to you. Again, sorry to have to say it, but that's how "County" is. You wouldn't be going over to this place just to kill time, I am thinking. Whether it's worth it to you to go into upsetting memories, only you can decide. Your judgement seems to be sound and you kind of see how the system operates there. At least you know something about what is an option.
If you have dreams that reference childhood abuse that is an on-going source of emotional turmoil to you, it might be wise to tell that to the pdoc. It can be stated in a matter-of-fact way that does not need to be highly charged emotionally. (Easy for me to say, I know.) The T thinks you're stable enough to maybe not need therapy, but isn't sure you're stable enough to discuss family issues that distress you. To me, that doesn't make sense.
A county provider probably is going to focus on clients who seem like they might be headed for serious trouble soon without some intervention. The county doesn't have the resources to be a source of comforting to everyone who could use some talk therapy. Because that would be everyone in the county. The thing to ask yourself is, "Am I dealing with stuff that everyone deals with, or do I have a history of exposure to stress that is not what any reasonable person would consider just a normal part of growing up?" If it's the latter, the next question is, "How is that a problem to me in the here and now?" If the answer indicates that a real problem does exist, then that makes you eligible for help. You don't have the luxury of waiting to build up a close trusting relationship with just the right staff person before you communicate the worst of what is bothering you. They truly don't have time for that. It seems unfair to have to go through upsetting encounters, but that is pretty much what it takes to get yourself considered as needing to be there at all. Only you can decide if it is worthwhile to possibly be gotten all upset over revealing information that could just be kept to yourself. Some people have dealt with extremely disturbing issues by themselves and managed to have their lives go forward. With public agencies, a lot of the time it is a matter of how hard you push to get in. That can be a matter of how bad do you need to get in . . . how much pushing and revealing of private pain is worth doing. I think you'll make a sensible decision. You seem to have a lot of common sense and you have a person close to you who sounds like a good source of support. We, at PC, are always here to bounce things off of, as well.
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