I've been in recovery now for several years. My last romantic relationship ended badly about three years ago - I was such a basketcase I couldn't be part of a relationship. Then I ended up in residential treatment where I committed to 9 months of not having a relationship so I would stay focused on healing (my T wanted a full year - we compromised). At that time, I thought it was a long time, but when it was over I understood better how much I needed to recover so I made it a year. Then I made it 2 years and it's been more than that now. Now I'm feeling very alone and feel like I want to connect and start dating again. But I'm afraid, because as much as I feel alone I still really really hate to be touched, even a little. For the first time since entering recovery, I'm being honest with myself about this. It's like I yearn to connect that way, but the thought of actually being touched -- even holding hands -- makes me feel ill, like sick to my stomach. I also feel like if I try to date and then recoil, I'm not being fair to whoever it is I'm dating. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. I really hate this -- has anyone been here? Your thoughts would be appreciated ...