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My mom showed my 8th grade picture to my daughter saying as she shows it to her "your mommy was so pretty". Like I’m not standing there hearing her say I was pretty. Of course I don't think I’m cute now. I have eczema all over my body so I hate just looking at myself some days but for her to say it pisses me off. She never even said when I "was pretty" that she was thinking that. I can count on one hand how many times she has hugged me since the 5th grade on. And let’s not talk about ever saying I love you. Never said it. She never even gave me a full complement without saying something negative in the same sentence. She would say this when I was a kid, “you would be so cute if you lost that stomach”. She is the reason for a lot of me feeling like I don’t need to be here. Why the hell did she have me? I know I was a burden on her life. She probably blames me for her future not going the way she planned. She thinks I don’t know about her 3 abortions but I found that out when I was pregnant. So why did she have me and not the others? She is not an affectionate mother and that always bothered me. I know better now so I always tell my daughter I love her everyday. I mean it as well. She is my world. I said on here before I look at my older pictures even from 3 years ago and wish I looked the same. I hate my skin condition. I look like the very thing I fear, a snake. So I guess she thinks I’m fat, ugly and I use to be pretty.
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