Hi vintageromance,

sorry that you have been having a hard time. I wonder if you have a T?

Some people use SI to manage painful feelings / emotions as in the short term it works, so promising to not to SI is like promising not to take pain killers for a headache - if it is the only thing we have to manage the pain then that is what we will turn to.

It takes time to learn other ways to manage our pain, either by reducing our reaction to it or learning less damaging ways to cope. Be kind to yourself, negative self criticisms feed into SI. I know it can be really tough to deal with this - keep safe - Soup