Hello.

I am experiencing high anxiety at the moment.

Dane and I are going thru a divorce right now.

I have come out again as a lesbian.

I have a friend who is older than me. We can't have s because it is not physically possible for her to do so.

But we have very strong feelings for each other.

Anyway, I am posting this because as a survivor of abuse by a woman, my primary caregiver growing up, I am even more afraid of being intimate with a woman than with a man.

Women ( esp. my caregiver; aunt) have been more able to get to my core than men, in my lifetime. I am even more scared of making women friends than I am of dating.

So, this is hard.

Yesterday, my woman friend tried to talk to me and tell me not to be so afraid and I got even more afraid.

I feel like women have more of an ability to get deeper inside me than men.

I cannot deny my gayness, but I want to stuff down my gayness because of this fear. Not of my gayness, but of being intimate with women!

Billi