Hi folks,

I've been wondering if denying depression is a male thing, or if we all tend to do it.

I am thinking of three male acquaintances that I have. They are all late middle age. One of them is healthy and the other two are unwell, and unemployed through illness.

Anyway, the funny thing is that the healthy one often says that he is depressed, but the sick ones never use the word about themselves, desite the fact that they are obviously depressed.

Of the two sick ones, both say that they have M.E .( a fatigue syndrome thought to be physically caused, maybe viral). But, both sick guys seems to have physical energy, doing long walks etc. However, they exhibit mood swings, emotional instability, sometimes tearful, and one of them is on high dose prozac.

Neither of the sick guys ever use the term depression about themselves,although they are happy to talk about my depression. There seems to be a real blind spot on this.

Against this, the healthy guy is always talking about being 'depressed' but he really means that he has had a relationship problem and is feeling lonely. His complaints are always about other people, never about himself - which I take to be a sign of typical normality. He doesn't have mood problems, he's just a stubborn type, again a sign of normality.

I believe that here in the UK, and maybe elsewhere, males see depression as a sign of weakness, and something that happens to other people (usually women) but not to ourselves. I've got some residue of the belief myself, (not the women part) even after all these years. I still think that the bottom line is that I have to 'pull myself together' when the going gets tough. Good grief, it's the Bruce Willis approach to mental illness! LOL

This helps me to understand my estranged brother, who would never talk to me about my illness and hasn't been near me for 25 years. I guess he is afraid of contamination. He needs the denial.

So my question is partly about gender and partly about depression. Do men find it harder to cope with depression, or do we all use denial as a coping strategy? Is denying depression a sign of having the illness?

Any answers? I'd like to see a really good debate about this issue, if anyone is up for it.

Cheers, M