I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with this sort of rumination/0bsessive thinking. I found after talking with family that my father has had the same issues and it occurs near our birthdays and also for me near New Year's Eve.

I think a big part of it is partly because i feel i have no control over some things: relationship, money and i'm trying to control it and also because i see freinds and family getting married and having children and feel like i'm running out of time or should be experiencing those things now. Also i have been quite isolated lately staying in my room and forget to take my night meds for Lithium.

I know some of my thinking has been out there and for a bit my habits of taking care of myself, showering, brushing teeth, combing hair have gone downhill but I think it has to do with depression, anxiety and bipolar. I am better though- back to good grooming habits and now talking about whats going in my head.