(((((purplemood))))))

Very good feedback for you here all true and you should really absord it all.

As far as your mother is concerned, I am very sorry that she was not a good mother. There is something about her that prevents her from having the ability to truely love anyone, and I don't even know if she really ever loved herself or was loved herself.

Instead of focusing on the fact that you do not feel loved and appreciated, or ever validated as a person, stop, and consider the source, really think about the people who failed to give you that. Because it is important to understand that in no way were you not lovable and a beautiful child. Your mother may have not really wanted children and took steps to try to keep that from happening, but, someone more important than your mother wanted you to be here, knew you were going to make a difference, gave you something special that will send a message to others. If you are here than it was meant to be, you were meant to be and your life will slowly reveal that. And Flooded is right, beauty is only skin deep and always fades with time (that will be a nightmare for your mother, her own punishment) and it is really what is inside each person that truely makes the meaningful contributions to life itself for you and others. You already know what does not contribute to another human being, that is the one thing your mother taught you. And now you will give your own child what that child deserves no matter what that child looks like on the outside, because you now know what really matters, what a gift you will be to that child, a real mother, real love, and I am sure you will give that child everything it needs for as long as you live. The gift of beauty can be a curse in disguise, it can be the only focus in life and considering the depth of skin that is a thin perspective on life and all that is really to be had and appreciated.

Good thing your nothing like your mother, because one child suffering through that is enough, at least your child will never feel unwanted.
And you are going to know just how to be a wonderful mother.

Open Eyes