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No need to hate yourself. I think your friend will ultimately want to be aroudn you again. She is just uncomfortable now and needs a bit of room. You could not have known this when you told her you had a crush on her, so there's no need to self-blame. I am sorry you cut. I can understand you feel scared about it. I hope you can think of other things to do instead of cutting that will release your tension/depression/self-hate.
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"People are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into the wound to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin." - Tori Amos
Current DX (December 2019): autism spectrum disorder, unspecified personality disorder
Current RX (December 2019): Abilify 30mg, Celexa 40mg, Ativan 1mg PRN
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