should the intellectual reality overcome the emotional need?

what i mean is this...

when i was a teen, it seemed acceptable to me to want my T to be my mother and hence act in ways accordingly. i was a kid, my T was old. in some reality, she could have adopted me....

now in my young 20s, it seems UNacceptable to me to have the same "need" because i can better intellectually understand the reality of the situation.. for example, i intellectually know that T can not become my mother, is not my mother, i am too old to be adopted, and T is a paid professional...

..thus when i start to engage T in a way that a child would, i feel horrible.

yes, it's alot about transference, and some say you need to work through it to heal...but doesnt the intellect have an important role in this?