Oh I totally understand about the GP. Going to my GP now is very hard for me he can actually be mean and I DO know that look. I have left there too many times crying. My last visit I changed doctors and asked for a doctor with a good beside manner. I sat in the waiting room completely stressed that the GP I had been seeing for many years would present himself or be upset.

When I finally was called and lead to an examining room and the new doctor came in with a trainee and asked if both of them could take care of me, Oh BOY, I quickly said, "NO, today is not a good day for that" and they kept asking, they didn't get it right away so that was uncomfortable until finally they got the message.
Then I was left alone in the examining room and I went into a really bad flashback where two boys pulled me into a shed and took off all my clothes, I was only three at the time and terrified. And I had been SA already by then and so I can remember wondering if these boys were going to hurt me. And in my flashback the two doctors were those boys. I couldn't believe it and was so frightened it took all my will to not just run out of that office. And the nurse and doctors looked at me like I was crazy. So I know that look and it is SO embarassing. And I couldn't just say, oh, sorry, I had a terrible flashback about you and the other doctor I didn't think they would get that at all.

I wanted so badly to tell them all why I was so upset. It was so hard, I just couldn't explain and again, left crying and embarassed. I never expected to have a flashback, I really hate when that happens, and I had not had one for a long time, I had been working so hard on that and thought I had finally gotten past that.

Open Eyes