Intellect and rationalization just don't fit into therapy. No matter how badly I want them to. I can rationalize my way into or out of any thinking situation, but it still doesn't stop the feeling of needing my T from overwhelming me. I need my T to re-parent me, to nurture the little me that never got her needs met from infancy.

I feel ridiculous sometimes, more by what I actually admit to my T than by how I behave (though that is open for debate) because intellectually, as a 30 something adult, I shouldn't want the things that I want. Developmentally though, these are basic *needs* that went unmet, and now T is helping me find ways to meet them safely and appropriately. I still struggle to accept the fact that sometimes I need things a 6 year old gets, or a 12 year old gets, or a sullen teen gets, but that's where I am, and each time T and I work on this, it gets a little easier to accept.

Oddly, I find it fascinating that during the day I can function as a "typical" 30-something person in society, but the hour before T, and while with my T, I let down my guard and can truly be wherever I am on the developmental spectrum with no shame anymore. And usually, within an hour after T, I'm back in the "typical" world again.