Feelings are not easy to just throw around and tell people like there nothing, There fragile and can easily be hurt easily. Well, Mine can, So i don't even bother speaking them out loud anymore,. To people i know. I mean, why tell my friends/family my feelings? So they can judge? Or so they can just stand there and feel awkward because they don't know what to say?.. Thats what happens in real life, no one can REALLY be there for anyone, and understand and try to help. at least.. not my friends/family. Thats why to them all i am is just a crazy white chick that is SOOOO fun to be around, but,, when i put on that show for them,. what do they think i do when i go home? do i go home and be a normal teen and stress about stupid stuff and listen to music and dumb stuff? no,... i go home, lay down and cry. so i can let out all those feelings, to prepare myself for the next day, thats how i let it out, is to cry alone. to get it out so i can put on the next show for my friends. So,.. thats just, a general idea on why my user name is what it is., because no one ever really knows what im feeling/thinking, not even remotely close..