White Iris

I thought I was alone in this feeling. Little Annabelle is wandering around wondering where "the nice lady" went. She doesn't "recognize" me when I'm like this. This is tough stuff. You'd think not being able to experience your emotions would be a good thing, but it's almost as bad as being in the pit, except I can get off the couch with anhedonia. I can't with depression, but the pain is the same.
For those of you who haven't experienced it, imagine watching your child accomplish something, like writing his/her name the first time, taking his/her first steps, or showing you an "A" on his report - and not being able to feel the love - the pride- the joy of seing them grow -
It's a very painful place - I'm looking at the world through a glass bubble. And, I know from the past, when the anhedonia breaks, it sucks me down into the pit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .