I'm SO tired, not just physically but completely mentally.
I feel if I was Ill with any other illness I'd have time to regroup and recuperate but I can't do that every single time I have an episode.
I haven't seen my friends for a few weeks now.
All my energy is taken up by getting myself to work each day. I have a job where if you need to go to the bathroom then you have to wait 5 minutes for someone else to get signed on and you cause hassle.
My old job knew what was going on and if things were getting too much I was allowed to sit in the staff room and have a drink or just do some filing.
I just feel so tearful and down, I've had lots of thoughts of suicide, but that's not really what I want.
Metaphor - I'm a car going down a long motorway, I have no choice but to keep going, I can't stop, the only other option is to crash.
I have a meal on Friday night to go to, my old boss from my old job is leaving to go to another branch, the likely hood I'll ever see him again is low and he was so brilliant to me I know I have to go. Robert will be there and he wants to go out in town drinking after. I told him flatly no! He moaned he doesn't like this 'not drinking misha.
Thing is I don't think I'm up for the meal.
I'm finding I've lost the ability to hold a conversation, I feel so dead and numb and nothing.
I know none of you have a magic answer but it's good to get it out.