It's great that you're trying to break the cycle of abuse by making changes to the way you treat your children. As a product of childhood emotional abuse, the one thing I've learned is everyone has a voice and wants to be able to express themselves and feel at ease while doing so. I think one of the best things you can do as a dad is to let your children know they can come talk to you without facing a harsh judgment or they can "mess up" ocassionally and not have it held against them for an eternity. It'll take time (especially for your 11 year old) to maybe feel comfortable with you again, but keep at it. For many years during my childhood I was referred to as the "devil's child". How's that for building self esteem? If the parent who kept saying it had even apologized and tried to make things right, maybe today I wouldn't be struggling this hard to understand who I really am or wonder who I could have been if I wasn't beat down emotionally for so many years.