akekaomen,
You don't have to rush anything. You should just work on it a little at a time, I totally understand the work responsibility and you have to take care of that.

As far as the 11year old is concerned, it is never too late to tell that child you love her/him.

When my daughter was little I spanked her and I hated how I felt afterwards. I thought about what I was really teaching her. I felt I was teaching her that hitting solved problems and so I used a punishment spot where she had to sit and wait and then I would make her tell me what she did wrong and appologize. And it worked just as effectively. But I did sit down with her and her father and I said, there will be no hitting in this house, that is not the way we will solve things in our home. And everyone agreed.

There is no reason why you cannot go to your older child and sit and talk to that child and say to that child, "I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I do know that I love you and I do want to be a good parent to you, what do you think you may need that I am not giving you for support so that you feel better about our relationship?"

It is not always about what you didnt do right, no parent is perfect. But you can do right from now on and what that truely does is teach your children that there is always room for improvement in a relationship. What do you want them to expect as adults, because whatever you do is what they will accept being treated as in a marriage or any other relationship.

Think about what you have accepted of yourself and how you do things from your parents, what might have happened if they recognized their error and made changes and respected you more when you were 11? Children need to learn personal growth and developement, how to accept change and even make changes in themselves, believe me they are watching. It is definitely not too late.

Some of your own issues can be eased by making changes that are positive with your children. Dont carry guilt, work with them and they will be so very grateful.

Open Eyes