I am sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I was diagnosed when I was 24(1975) and would not accept the digagnosis because I was a psych nurse and worked at a state hospital where I saw the worst symptoms of Bipolar. In 1997 I finally got sick enough to lose my job. I had fits of rage too and took it out on my patients.Many were in for murder so they were what I thought were desreving of my rage isues. I also lost a job after beating my boss up. That was fun.LOL I take my meds as ordered and am usually stable enough to function. I an on Zyprexa,lamictal,paxil,and clonopin. I no longer have rage issues but I do have severe anxiety borderlining on panic attacks. Sometimes I abuse my clonopin. I even drank with my meds for years. Finally went to AA and got sober. I am over 5 years sober now. I have never met a person that did not self medicate...usually with alcohol. I was successful at most of the things I did so it was hard for me to accept my condition. I had alot of hypomania. I am diagnosed as Bipolar II but think I am Bipolar I because I get delusional if I don't take my zyprexa.