It's like i've hit the det0nat0r, an am waiting for the explosi0n... So ashamed and guilty,yet i can't stop myself. Please pray for me, i cann0t bring myself to... Thanks all for the kind w0rds of supp0rt and empathy, i feel like less of a freak after sharing with you. I just d0n't get why i WANT to bec0me sick! Do i want attenti0n? Validati0n? A thrill? I d0n't get it, i h0nestly d0n't :-(